James “Jimmy” McFayden – Salisbury, North Carolina North Carolina

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James “Jimmy” McFayden and I started talking online in April, 2014; then began dating in May. There were a few hiccups from the beginning. He’s legally blind and doesn’t drive. Which means he also doesn’t work. So I was responsible for the transportation. It was supposed to be just fun. He was admittedly a hedonist not into monogamy, and I wasn’t. I had spent many years living the BDSM (50 Shades of Grey, for y’all vanilla folks). We were both into alternative lifestyles, and neither one of us wanted a relationship, so that was OK. We went to events together and he started learning to top because I identified as a switchy submissive at the time. I even agreed to try life as a hedonist, because it was different, and our lifestyles crossed over in so many other areas, that it seemed like a good idea at the time. I just needed a few months to talk to people into that way of life and get used to the idea, and he agreed. But by the time summer rolled around, we were in love. He even said it first, because I was terrified to say “I love you” after what I’d been through in past relationships. I spent the night at his house almost every night… well, day, since I worked nights. It wasn’t easy because we lived two nearly two hours apart, but we loved each other. His family loved me. So we were determined to make it work. I had no idea that even at this point, he was still having regular sex with his FWB, Brandy, (before me). He was aware that my idea of love included complete honesty and no cheating. October, 2014 rolled around and I got the call on October 16. I’ll never forget it. My dad had just passed away. So we went rushing back to my mom’s house. I spent the next week just being the strong one for my family. While I was doing that, he was arranging a threesome for himself, his FWB who I mentioned before, and another girl. I had no idea. Shortly after that, my best friend called me up one night and told me she had talk to me face-to-face, that night, if possible. So I went to her house on my way to work. She let me read a series of messages that girl #2 (who my BFF was acquainted with) in the threesome had written her expressing concerns about the planned event. Girl #2 knew how tight me and my friend were and wanted my friend’s opinion about how I might feel about the threesome. My BFF told her “don’t do that.” “He’s lying to you.” “She would never be OK with that.” So girl #2 put the kibosh on the arrangement. I completely lost it and confronted him. He convinced me that since we had never “officially” declared ourselves a couple, he thought it was OK to see other women, that it would never happen again. A month later (November, 2014), I was at home, spending the weekend with my son, and Jimmy was supposed to be there with us. He called me up and told me he couldn’t come because an old high school buddy of his was in town and they were gonna go out and have a guy’s night, probably go to a strip club. I was fine with that because I know how tight the rules are at strip clubs. That same month, I really noticed that he was spending a lot of time with his another female. He said they’d known each other for years. They were just friends, and I very stupidly believed him. So one morning, I woke up before him really early and instead of waking him up, I decided to check my email and just normal daily stuff when I saw that there was a new photo saved that wasn’t mine, so I opened the file. It was a picture of this girl who was just his friend giving him a blowjob. They were in what appeared to be a hotel room and my computer was sitting right next to her with a webcam site on the screen showing them in the act. The date/time stamp was from the weekend that he was supposedly out with his buddy. I transferred the photo to my phone just in case he realized it was there and tried to erase it, then kept this to myself, because I had to work that night and the next morning at my second job, and I just couldn’t deal with it. Later that week I was at my morning job, he started texting me and I learned that he was spending the day with her. I was livid, but he didn’t know. I asked what they were doing, and he told me facials. He was big into skin care at the time. So I told him to send me a pic so I could laugh at them with mud masks on. Two hours later, I finally got the pic. The whole time, I was constantly sending him texts because I was convinced that they were having sex. So I texted back when I was getting off work and told him to stay at her place and I would bring breakfast for all three of us and pick him up on my way home. So I stopped at Bojangles and went straight there. I sat down and just started talking. Me and him had agreed to start over after the threesome incident. I asked them both flat-out if there was anything I needed to know. Had they had any sort of sexual or romantic contact at all? They both denied it fiercely. OK, so me and him left. So while we’re riding down the road, I asked him again if he was sure he wanted to stick with that answer. He insisted there had never been anything between him and Jen. I handed him my phone and told him to explain that photo. He tried to say it was before he met me until I asked him how an old photo of him and someone else got on my computer with a date stamp from that same month. Then he back-peddled and insisted it was a joke. They went out with other friends and she bet him in front of them that she could give a better blowjob, so he took her up on it. But it really wasn’t that great because he just got a little hard but didn’t cum. He went right back to his last defense that we hadn’t declared ourselves a couple. I really should’ve left. I should’ve left the first time. But I was in love, so I told him. OK, as of this moment, if you want to be with me, we’re a couple. He kept saying he loved me and wanted to be with me and agreed that we were now a couple and there would be no more women unless I gave the green light. I stupidly agreed to this. A few months later, I had changed jobs and started working dayshift. We seemed to be on track. He’d been the model boyfriend, so I told him that I was open to moving on towards a more open relationship. We found a couple who were swingers and started playing with them once or twice a month. My contact with the other guy wasn’t stellar, but the sex between me and my boyfriend was great and frequent. Then we had to end that. I had inherited my dad’s house, which was two hours away, and as soon as my mom decided to move out of it, we had to move in. It didn’t make sense to have a house and not live there, because I had put in a transfer with my job that was supposed to take a couple months to go through, but happened about two weeks after I put it in, and I had to go back to nightshift. I was working in a prison and it seemed safer, since the inmates slept for half my shift. So spring of 2015, we moved. We now had a giant 5-bedroom house for just the two of us. (My 21-year old daughter lived with us for a while until she got so fed up with feeling like she had to constantly watch him, and moved out.) In the meantime, we decided to start hosting our own events like the ones I mentioned at the beginning of this story. It was a lot of work, but very successful. We had big parties and lots of friends, and some of those friends came over frequently, sometimes to help with the property improvements, sometimes just to hang out. What I didn’t know, was that several females began coming over when I was at work. Our sex life started to go downhill until it became almost nonexistent because I started working lots of mandatory overtime and was tired a lot, so I wasn’t paying as much attention as I should have been. And as luck would have it, he started having sex with some of those women, at least three whose names I know. July 2016, a year into this, one of those friends, Ophelia, who had been a very good friend of mine for many years, accused him of rape. She had come over one night when I was at work just to hang out, which she did a lot because she was the one friend I had that I trusted him with completely. She knew what we had already been through, so I just knew she’d never step over the line with him. If anything, she’d watch him. Boy was I wrong! They started playing and ended up having sex. I don’t know if Ophelia caught a guilty conscience and decided to confess, or if she wanted him and when she didn’t get him, decided to break us up, but that’s when she accused him of rape. We nearly broke up, but for some reason that I can’t fathom, I stuck by him. She never filed charges, but this still turned into a year of battling her and her friends. She even broke into our house and grabbed me when I tried to make her leave. We ended up in a long court battle over her B&E and assault, and won. I thought it was finally over and we could actually have a life together. We’d fought long enough for it. That was in August, 2017. Along come September. We had a big beach trip planned with several of our friends. I had rented a big beach house for a week and opened it to some of our friends, all of whom eventually paid a share. One of those who went was a single girl, Mikayla, who had been to several of our events. Well she and Jimmy got real tight. They were suddenly best friends. I was positive that something was going on between them. They were way too tight. Anytime I tried to just sit with them or talk to them while they were together, they took off in another direction together and simply left me. Both of them insisted multiple times that there was nothing between them. They were just friends. While at the beach, she started acting like a spoiled brat because I demanded that Jimmy focus his attention on me. It was my vacation. I had worked hard to organize this trip and had paid for everything initially and spent months worried if I would recoup the expenses. He balked at first, then went my way. And she cried every night because she wasn’t getting his attention, and people, especially other women, didn’t like her. Finally, we all sat down and long story short, I told her that women didn’t like her because it appeared that she was coming onto their men. By the time the week was over, she appeared to have improved somewhat and we were getting along. We came home from the beach and that very night she called him crying over how she had recorded me and another woman at the beach talking about how we wanted to punch her in the face. Immediately he sided with her even though he hadn’t heard such a recording. So I told him that I needed to hear it because no such thing had happened. She sent it, we listened, and sure enough, there was nothing of the sort in that recording. Another couple of weeks went by and we were actually getting along. We had a party coming up. I told him that because of all the drama that followed her around, I didn’t want her to come to that particular party because I needed a break from her. He got pissed at me, we argued, then didn’t talk about it. A week or so later, he came to me (the day before that party) and told me that he had just about convinced her to come. I was livid. That pissed him off and we got into another big fight. It was so close to the party that I caved and allowed her to come because I didn’t want arguing and bad vibes to be present around our other guests. Then in October, me and Jimmy had invited another couple to spend the weekend at our place. Nothing sexual, just people we had things in common with, essentially a weekend-long double date. When Mikayla heard about it, she just invited herself over. Jimmy and me were already arguing over other things and a big one broke out while Mikayla was over. By the time we were done arguing, I had told her to just take him with her, or talk some sense into him, because I couldn’t deal with him anymore. Naturally, she assumed the fight was all about her, and blew out like a bat outta Hell. It really had nothing to do with her. It was over a combination of him refusing to have sex with me and the crazy amount of weed he’d been smoking over the past few months. He spent $300-$500 a month, more than half his disability check, on weed, that I knew of, though I suspect it was probably more. He nearly left then, but didn’t have a ride, and I was stupid. I begged him to stay. Later that evening, she texted him and told him that she was never coming back (which I was fine with) and that every problem him and me had ever had wasn’t her fault, his fault, or even the fault of the one he supposedly raped (she was the only one I knew about at the time). Everything was entirely my fault, that I was a psychotic b#*ch who needed help. Another couple of weeks went by and we had a big Halloween party planned, and I told him that she was not allowed to come to that party because it was my favorite holiday and I was going to get a break from her whether he liked it or not. We eventually compromised (meaning he got his way again) that I would let her come if he would arrange a time before when the three of us could just have a sit-down and talk out the problems we had with each other. I asked him about a week later if he’d done it and he told me no, that he figured he’d wait til after Halloween since I hadn’t mentioned it. I blew up at him and told him that she was not going to be there. He had not kept his end of the bargain by getting everyone together for that talk. He told me that if she couldn’t be at the party, then neither would he. So I finally put my foot down and told him that if he was going to side with her again and leave me to deal with this party by myself, then he’d better pack his bags because he wasn’t coming back. I gave him a week to pack and get out, which I think was very generous. This was also a week before the Halloween party. He spent the first five days sitting around the house doing nothing. After day two, I changed the passwords on everything. The cable, the Netflix account, Hulu, anything I could think of that he had access to. He still didn’t pack anything. You’d have thought he wasn’t going anywhere. He even came to me and asked me for the passwords. I really believe he thought I was going to beg him to stay. On Wednesday, I came in from work and saw that he still had made no moves to leave, so I started riding him hard. I said every nasty thing that came to my mind, belittling him and trying to make him feel as small as he’d made me feel for three years. Knowing that he had been cheating on me the whole time and that Mikayla was just the latest, I forced him to admit it to me. I found out names, places, and time periods (not exact days, but around May, July, etc.). I had a Ziplock bag full of spy cams that I’d bought off of Amazon. I dropped them in front of him and told him that I’d bought these and installed them months ago when I started suspecting him and that he was going to admit to me what he’d been doing because I had the evidence. The joke’s on him, because I’ve never even charged them, let alone used them. I knew about only two of his women at the time, and those are the ones he copped to. One of them had an STD that he knew about. We both knew about it, and he did it anyway. The other one, I thought was my friend. She had sat and listened to me cry about him and how bad he had treated me, about all the cheating he’d done, knowing that she had been having an on-going sexual relationship with him for about a year and a half, from what I was told later. He left that Friday afternoon. The Halloween party was the next day and it went off without a hitch. The whole feeling of the house had changed. People had a great time and several commented to me that the house felt so much better now that he was gone. I went through a cleaning phase after he left and got my house spic and span. The first thing I did was buy new bedding and move around my bedroom furniture. Guess what I found? A condom he’d thrown under his side of the bed, and an iPhone charger. Mikayla was the only woman who came to our house and used an iPhone. So the only logical conclusion was that he’d been having sex with her while I was at work, in my bed… exactly what I had known all along was happening. Fair warning, if you think about getting into a relationship with him, he’s going to tell you a few things to suck you in. First, he’s blind. That’s to make you feel sorry for him. Second, he’s basically a shut-in because his blindness prevents him from driving. That’s to make you want to taxi him around. And he won’t give you gas money. Third, he’s on a fixed income due to his blindness. That’s to make you not question yourself when you have to start paying for everything. Fourth, he’s The Fire Pirate. Part of what he learned while with me was fire play. If you don’t know what that is, that’s where he uses various substances, like hair mousse, alcohol, and butane, on your body that he can light on fire without burning you. It’s extremely cool and a big rush of excitement. It’s a lot of fun. You’re going to enjoy it. You almost get addicted to it, and you don’t want to lose that exciting play time with him. Next, the great sex you were having at first will start to dwindle until it’s down to about once a month, if you’re lucky. He’ll blame that on being depressed. That happens sometimes. What’s really happening is he’s got himself a piece of new p***y. That’s what he told me when I asked him why he did all of this to me. He wanted new p***y. When all of this first happened, they blocked me from seeing their social profiles. The joke’s on them. I haven’t been looking, or even trying. November, 2017 It’s been a month. All of a sudden, I start getting messages from friends that they’ve changed their relationship statuses, that I have to go look. Fine. I did, and sure enough, they’re now in a relationship. Funny how nothing was going on, but he sure got over me quick, and quick enough to go get into a relationship with the one person he swore he wasn’t having sex with while we were together. I think we all know better. I knew long before I threw him out.>

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